Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me telling you about how I am currently feeling emotionally right now as I am currently writing this post. I’m NOT trying to make anyone feel sorry for me.
Dear reader because of a lot of stuff that I’ve had happen in my life recently I’ve been super aware of how much physical help I need (sometimes I forgot about it because of day to day stuff) and it’s making me feel like a physical burden on the people around me even though my dad and Ashley don’t want me to feel that way.
I’ve noticed that I’ve been having more anxiety attacks recently because of this, to be completely honest with you dear reader I feel like I’m trying to work my way through one as I am currently writing this post, the pit of my stomach is filled with fear.
Especially since my dad hurt his leg 2 days ago(He says that it’s a really really bad muscle cramp). It’s even really difficult for me to write everything down for you guys in a way that would make sense to someone who isn’t me or doesn’t know me/how my family works.
Thankfully Ashley is here to help my dad and I at the moment but I hate having to need some much help physically. I got a call back from the clinic I emailed last night about seeing if the Dr would sign off on my dr note for jury duty(saying that I can’t physically take myself to the bathroom and I use a bed pan most of the time because my dad has a hard time lifting me) and I have called them back yet because I don’t want to have to explain why I can’t make an appointment until my dad’s leg gets better or I find someone else who can physically lift me into the car).
The reason why I emailed them now was only to see if they would even be able to sign the paper I don’t want to make an appointment go all the way there and have them say that they can’t sign it(which has happened to me at other places with other things).
The only thing keeping me sane right now besides knowing deep down that I will be OK somehow even if it doesn’t feel like it right now is that I have you guys with me to vent to. Your support keeps me going. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♡.
PS. I promise to keep you updated on everything as soon as I know more.