Venting: I’ve been feeling anxious lately.

Venting: The remote control for my adjustable bed broke again.
December 18, 2016
Venting: I don’t understand why she’s still trying to talk to me.
January 26, 2017
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Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me venting about my own personal feelings and thoughts about this situation nothing more nothing less. 

Dear reader I’ve been feeling really anxious since about the 26th of this month. I understand why I felt it on the 26th, the 26th of this month was the 5 year anniversary of my big brother Shaun’s death.

I’m not really sure why I’m still feeling it now though. I know that you might think that I’m crazy for having these thoughts however I promised from the start of this blog almost 4 years now to be as open and honest with you dear reader about how I’m feeling so I will:

I keep having this fear that my blog and my Twitter(@BookNerd0486 if you want to say hi to me that way) will get bigger in the next few years and you guys will start to hate me for some reason. 

You guys have truly been nothing but nice to me and I’m beyond thankful for each and every single one of you, I’m still afraid of letting you down somehow.

I think that part of the reason why I’m feeling the fear so badly lately is because I have been watching some of my favorite people from YouTube saying that they are quitting YouTube because of hate comments and stalkers.

You guys have truly become a life line for me and I don’t want to ever loose you ♡.

My other fear that’ve been having for the last day or so is because of the pain from my Cerebral Palsy(CP for short) I feel even more so that I’m trapped my body.

I hate having to ask my dad for help for all of my basic needs (seriously if you ever need something to feel thankful for one thing can be that you can physically take yourself to the bathroom) it’s a level of helplessness that I wouldn’t wish on anyone ever..

I have been trying to sleep myself out of this mood hence why I’m awake at 1:56 AM. 

If I feel up to it later I will post about looking forward to 2017 however if I forget to I want to say thank you again so much for staying on this journey with me dear reader you guys have given me so many cool opportunities this year via NetGalley and other places I can’t wait to see what happens next year. 

Plz know that if you ever need me email me at [email protected], message me on Snapchat DragonGirl0486, or Tweet me at @BookNerd0486 and I will try my best to help you with whatever I have control over regarding the issue.

I wish you all of the best in 2017 ♡. 

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